Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
