My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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