she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize