I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
