I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
