the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
