yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
