he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize