does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
