The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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