its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
