You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it hurts more in the daytime
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
