If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
