You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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