This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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