well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
