Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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