my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
