if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
