Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
