I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
