He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
