My sheets look like a crime scene.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
