You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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