Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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