Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize