We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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