On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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