Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
