No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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