i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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