i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
