last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
