just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
