is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
