i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
