My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
