he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
