why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
