Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
