no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
