We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
