All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
