Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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