Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
