Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
