Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
