You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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