So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
