I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
