Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
