So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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