I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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