Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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