My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
