how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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