I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
