I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
