Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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