our cab driver is having phone sex.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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