i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
