6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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