Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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