have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
